Remembering Grandmaw

My Grandmother was a wonderful woman.  She was so strong and honest, the glue that held our family together.  I never really heard her talk about her faith, but her Bible was on the table right beside where she would sit, she had angles everywhere and I know that she prayed.   She talked about Heaven from time to time, what she thought it would be like.

When we were children, my brother and I got off the bus at her house.  We were the only two grandchildren that didn't live within walking distance to her, so when we (Brian and I) got off the bus all of our cousins were getting off too.  There was four of us that stayed with Grandma after school. until   We would run down that long dirt road and Grandma would always have a snack waiting on us. On the bar she would place 4 napkins each napkin would have 5 peanut butter cookies made with creamy peanut butter and Nilla Wafers, 4 glasses half full with Coke Cola.  We would sit at the bar, tell Grandma about our day and homework while we would eat our snacks.  As we grew up, we didn't visit like we should.  People never do.

When Cameron was born, she stayed at my house during the day so that I wouldn't hurt myself lifting him (I had some complications) and she kept him for me to work until she broke her ribs when he was 3 years old.  Before he could talk I would stand at her door waiting on her to unlock it and Cameron would be so excited.  He would just about jump out of my arms when she would finally open that door!  "Good morning Sunshine"  that is what she would say.  Every day it was "Good morning Sunshine".  He loved her so much.  When she got hurt he would cry to stay with his Nana.  She had fallen down the steps on her porch and she just wasn't able to chase after a 3 year old anymore. 

Last April my brother's wife was expecting their first child.  Grandma was so very sick, we had been nursing her for months praying that she would somehow get better.  Braxton was born on April 16,  she held him on April 18th and she died on April 24th.  She never talked again after she held Braxton.  She just went to sleep and rested until she went home.  She held on for him, to meet him, and hold him just that once.  That day after Braxton left Cameron came in to tell her good night, the last thing she told me was "He's a good boy, such a good boy."  After that she would mumble I love you every now and then, but really after that day she didn't say much.

Of all the things that I can remember about my grandmother, I refuse to let the day she died be important.  There were so many other good memories like her dancing in the living room when I was 10, or her 75th birthday party. Those are the memories I hang on to, the ones that I go to when I am sad.   I hope that she knows how very much she is missed.  I hope she can see that I try not to be upset when I think of her, but sometimes it gets the best of me.  When it does, I put on her coat run my finger across my charm (it's her thumb print) thank God for giving me the time I had with her, then I smile, wipe my eyes and I move on.

I miss you Grandma - I love you more than you ever knew.