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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Goodbye Sixth grade.....

I can't believe that it has been a whole week since I last posted a new blog.  I've been really busy with life lately though!  The dance studio I work for just had our dance recital on Saturday so last week was filled with extra practices and final practices, dress rehearsals and finally the big show!  It was great, and heartbreaking. There were memorial dances for a girl from the studio who's sister was killed in a car accident, another dance in honor of another girls mom who is fighting breast cancer.  There is so much tragedy in life, so many things that are just heart breaking.  The emotions from Saturday were crazy and everywhere.  The recital is over now, and their pain continues, hopefully next year we won't have a reason to do a memorial dance. 

On a happier note:

Through out the past few years I has watched in awe as my baby has grown into a small man.  He's not a grown up but he makes grown up decisions.  From kindergarten until now he has done things, small and large, that make me so proud.  He's been called a hero, and unknowingly was one, and he gives without thinking to anyone that is in need.  This year I have fed 2 children at the middle school. I send $40 at a time for his account, so therefore Cam can get extra pizza, corn dogs or fries.  His friend can't, because he has "free lunch", so Cameron buys it for him.  I get annoyed because Wes has been out of work for almost a year and we can't afford to feed another persons kid, but am I going to say "No, don't give him food"?  No I will fork up more money for Cam's account and thank God that my son is so giving, and that we can still pay for lunch. I also thank God that he is so caring and I pray that he continues to show kindness to others through out his life.
Christmas when he was 4

Picture from K-5

This pictures was taken right after his 10th birthday - by my friend Steph

playing golf last summer.

Today is his last day of sixth grade.  It feels like I just held him for the first time yesterday.  Seems like just yesterday that he came home asking what is a hero? Now here he is, going into the seventh grade turning twelve and looking so grown up.  I keep asking myself when is he going to start calling me "mom" instead of "mommy".  I know that's what he says in front of his friends "My mom" or "My Dad".    He makes me so proud because he is not selfish, he is giving.  So today I pray that God continues to keep my little boy safe from harm, keep him pure in his thoughts and keep his heart giving and kind!  And please please let 7th grade go as smoothly as 6th grade!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

True Story Tuesday!

Two years ago, on March 28th (two days after my birthday, three days before my anniversary) I went to bed with my husband talking about the weekend and how we were going to celebrate both my birthday and our anniversary the next night, making a plan and just talking. I had just rolled over to go to sleep when the phone rang. I looked at the clock, midnight, who in the world could be calling me at midnight? It was my mom, her sister, Aunt Maxine, had been taken to the ER. Something happened and I couldn't understand but Aunt Maxine was on life support and I needed to get there right away.

Maxine had been sick for about a week, everything that she ate would come straight back up. Everything that passed her lips would pass them again. Finally she decided that maybe she had a blockage and went to the ER, she told them she thought maybe a blockage, but she was hurting so badly. She needed something for pain. They gave her Demerol. She'd had an allergic reaction to Demerol the last time that they gave it to her, but it was only itching and hot flashes, a few whelps. This time she went into antifalaptic shock. I didn't know what that meant, but basically all of her organs shut down immediately. She couldn't breathe and she flat lined. She was now on life support and the next few hours were crucial. As our family stood there shocked they moved the most vibrant part of our family to the ICU and we prayed.

Seven days later she was still on life support, and things were not looking good her kidneys were failing. They decided that she needed to be at Piedmont Medical Center, about 30 miles away, because she needed dialysis and they didn't have the equipment here. They moved her in an ambulance, my mother followed them in her car, and she didn't want Maxine to be alone. As soon as the ambulance turned into the road that PMC is on the lights flashed on, the sirens screamed and they went at lightning speed. She had crashed again; they were putting the paddles up when my mom arrived. She was back again, for now at least. They moved her to the Critical Care Unit, limited our visitation, and gave us little hope.

On Saturday, 14 days after this had began, I was about to leave to go see her when my mom called. We were all meeting at my grandmother’s house. I knew that this wasn't good. On the way over I called Jackie, my mother in law. She was with the women at our church, in Nashville, at a women’s conference. They had about 60 women standing right there praying for my aunt. The Doctors had done a brain scan and found NO BRAIN ACTIVITY. It was time to decide what to do, in other words, it's time to unplug the machines.

Maxine is my favorite aunt. She is the one that was so fun, always into something acting more our age than hers. I spent most of my summer at her house, most of my weekends and I loved her so much. I just couldn't believe that they had decided to give up on her. She was a mouthy, opinionated, pushy, and bullheaded; it's my way or the highway kind of person. She could and would fight this. The decision had been made to remove the machines and fill the room with the people that she loved.

I was praying hard, so very hard. Please God not this. That's all I could say in my brain, that's all that it would think. Please God no, not this. Between my prayers the song "Thank you Lord" kept running through my head, my heart. I was getting so mad at myself. I didn't want to say "Thank you" I wanted to say NO No No! When we got there, they took us to a room and brought her in. She had been taken off the respirator and everything unplugged. They told us it was just a matter of time when her heart and lungs stopped. Two hours later it was about 6:30 pm, and I had to leave to get Cameron. He was 30 min away at my in laws, and we live about 45 minutes from them. I had not seen him all weekend and I needed to explain to him what was going on and give him time to digest it before bed time.

I had just laid down when the phone rang. It was 10:00 and my mom was calling. I started crying before I picked up the phone, I knew why she was calling, it was over. But it wasn't. Maxine had woke up and asked for my Grandma. She had told my cousin (her daughter) to move, she rolled over by herself. She said I Love You. She recognized my mom, and my grandma, her brothers her daughters. She couldn't talk real good, but she was talking.

Two years later, we realized that the miracle that we asked for isn't as we had hoped but none the less it is a miracle and we got it. Maxine has a lot of health problems from the whole ordeal. She has some brain damage, and forgets things easily. She had forgotten about the death of her father, uncle, cousin & two granddaughters. She lost them all again in one weekend - because she asked and we had to tell. It was hard. She has lost a lot of her memories and decision making skills. On a good day, she is as normal as she was before. On a bad day, she is like a child in some ways. But she is here; we have the chance to tell her all the things that we wanted. The most amazing part is that she remembers seeing Jesus. She remembers Him telling her she had to go back. It wasn't her time yet.

We got our miracle. Thanks for coming - I know this is kinda sad - but it's still got a happy ending! 

That’s my true story for today. If you would like to share a true story please go see Rachel and Mr. Daddy here and link up!

What do you do?

I have an eleven - almost 12 year old.  What do you do with one that age over the summer?  Please give me some ideas!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Five Question Friday

Today I have decided to link up with My Little Life and participate in her 5 Question Friday.  I like this idea, you can learn a little about me, and if you link up maybe I can learn a little about you!

1. Take your pick...date night, girls night out, or night out alone?

Date night.  That is different in my home, because it includes me the hubby &  Cam.  Normally when we go out to eat a group of friends or family go with us.  It would be nice to go out just the 3 (or 2) of us for a change.

2. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No I dont' think so, I don't think I am even going to try.  I think of a cow when I thing of this!  Have you ever seen a cow stick it's tongue in its nose?  Its gross!  LOL

3. What is your favorite flower and why?

Orchid.  14 years ago my BFF passed away from Cancer.  One night about a year after she passed I dreamed that we were talking and she had an Orchid in her hands. In my dream she handed me that flower and I woke up sitting strait up in the bed with my hands cupped together like I was holding that flower.  When I got to work that morning, it was Secretary's Day and my boss had left an Orchid on my desk.  It was like she had come back to see me.

4. If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself?

I would go back to high school and tell myself that when your child starts school, finish college then, don't waist those two years  selling insurance, you spend more money than you make, and school wll land you a better job (I hope).  One with insurance.  Visit Maxine everyday, and tell Grandma how much you love her.  When you get that call the Celeste is not doing well, go to Columbia, you will regret it if you don't.  Owning your own studio isn't what it's cracked up to be, keep teaching for someone else, and let them handle the stress. 

5. If you won the lottery, what is the very first thing you would do?

Build a house, and buy some horses.  Take some time off work spend the summer hanging out with Cam.  I'm a simple woman - I'd like to get rid of the cows, get some horses and just chill out!  Finally get out of this rut!

Link up and tell me something about yourself.  Just go here!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A boy's best friend is his mother - Joseph Stefano

When I was expecting I just knew that I was going to have a girl.  Her name was "Alyssabeth Celeste" after my two best friends.  Mary Elizabeth & Tonya Celeste.  Celeste passed away 3 years before so I didn't want to call her Celeste, and Elizabeth was so common, so Alyssa is what I would call her.  I was a dance teacher so of course she would be a dancer too, and the best in class!  She would be a master tapper by the time she could walk! It was April when I had my ultra sound, I went to bed the night before so exited because I just new it was a girl and I was going to find out for sure tomorrow!  All night I dreamed of that ultra sound.  In my dream the ultra sound tech came in and said "Oh look it's a boy".  This same image played over and over in my head. 

The next morning I got up convinced that it was a boy!  When the tech told me for sure I wasn't upset, or disappointed.  I was so happy.  Here we come baseball and  football.   What ever he wants to play! Blue everything for his room! I was so happy.  Who would have thought that I would be that elated about a boy?  I was though.

From the moment that I tinkled on that stick I loved him, I just didn't know how much until he was in my arms!  He was beautiful, with these green eyes - just like mine!  He was in the NIC-U for the stay in the hospital, so compared to the other babies he was giant!  When I dressed him to bring him home those 0-3 month clothes just swallowed him up!  He was so sweet though, with his head full of hair, he looked like a little man!  You know I paid that outrageous price for those pictures!  I think it was $25.00 for 4 wallets, the ones they take at the hospital, they were terrible pictures, but I loved that little face so much!

Every stage in life was a new adventure.  It was difficult (if you want the sob story go here) but we had a blast!  I was teaching dance at the time so I was home all morning, my work started at 3:30.  All morning and until I took him to Nana's we would watch Barney or the Wiggles and dance and sing!  I would chase him around and around the room while he just laughed and giggled! We didn't have satellite or cable, all we had was a VCR & some videos, but that was enough! 

Now I look at him, the little man he is growing up to be and I am so proud.  He is such a loving person.  I couldn't love anyone more than I love that child!  He is the greatest.  I tell him all the time that God did a really good job matching us up as mother and child.  Every day I ask him "Have I told you that you are the best kid in the world?"  he says "Yes, but not today" "Do I need to tell you today?"  "Yes"

"Cam, you are the best kid in the whole world, of all the baby souls in Heaven I'm glad that God picked you to be my baby.  I thank Him everyday for you!"

I love that little boy of mine!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Mr. G's Meltdown :)

Several years ago I was a single mom.  Life is hard being a single mom, and unless you have been there don't roll your eyes when someone says this.  It's tough.  Especially if you try to keep your pride. To understand the story I have to give you part of my "sob" story.

While I was expecting I had some complications that put me on bed rest for about 2 1/2 months.  I didn't have a job with benefits, so those 2 1/2 months of bed rest came without pay.  My x-husband (we were still together at this point) was the only one working, and he should have been able to cover all the bills, however, he skipped the mortgage for 3 months.  When I packed up to move when Cam was 8 weeks old, he still had not paid the mortgage and I had only been back to work for a couple of weeks.  When I filed for divorce the house was in foreclosure and they were going to repossess our REFRIGERATOR!  So I had to sell my car to make a house payment (that I wasn't living in) and pay off the refrigerator, so that I would have one!

When my divorce came through, he was supposed to pay child support, and reimburse me for some damages to the house that I had to fix to sell it before the bank took it.   With the money the he was "going to pay" and child support I should have been able to buy a car right?  So I sold the house, put the very little bit that was left on the car, and got a loan for the rest. The loan would be paid off with the money that he owed me for the house repairs.

Fast forward to the first payment, and I had no money, b/c he didn't pay for the repairs that he owed me, he didn't pay child support ( and never has) and between paying rent, and diapers, and food there was no money left.  So I didn't pay the car insurance so that I could pay the car payment.  I didn't mention this to my mother so that she wouldn't worry.

The next month I again had to skip the car insurance to pay the payment, but figured I would catch it up when the child support came right?  Right.  Next month the same thing.  This went on until my court hearing 6 months later.  I thought well, I will just be really careful and not get pulled over and when I have the money I will get insurance (car insurance).  Court came and he refused to pay, so he went to jail, and I still had no money and no car insurance. It didnt' even worry me anymore.

Well one day I go out to the mail box and there is a letter from the finance company, they are repossessing my car!  Because I didn't have car insurance they had "added" an insurance fee that tripled my monthly payment.  I had been making a payment but only a partial payment (remember they tripled it for the insurance- but I didn't know that) and now I was 4 months behind on my car payment.

I was panicking and decided to pull into Mr. G's get a coke, calm down and figure out what I was going to do.  I walked into the store and the clerk asked me if I was pregnant!  This on top of what was already on my mind just set me into a new world of anger.  I don't know why I was angry but I was.  So I held my breath and gave her my money.  Then she asked if I was okay.  (I guess that purple color that had taken over my face gave her a clue).  That's when I told her that she needed to mind her own business, it was people like her that asked a 110 pound woman if she was pregnant that caused eating disorders like anorexia.  Maybe YOU should spend sometime worrying about YOUR waistline, because I'm sure you havent' seen your feet in years! That is when I stormed out of the store.

I sat in my car, and fumed.  That's when I realized I had given her a $10.00 bill, I only had a drink.  That meant that I had almost 9 dollars in change that I had left, and I really needed that $9.00.  That is when my mother called.

How she knew to call me right then I will never know. She worked about 3 doors down from where I lived and I couldn't hide that I didn't have a car (had they come to take it).  I began to unload everything on  my mom, and I felt so guilty about disrespecting the lady in the store.  I was embarrassed and I needed that money so badly.  I asked her if she would come up there and get my change for me so I didn't have to face the lady again. This lady was old enough to be my GRANDMOTHER!  Nope - she said I would have to go in there and do that myself, but come to her office and we would figure out the rest.

So after about 15 minutes on the phone crying to my mommy (sad I know), I squared my shoulders and walked up to the old woman and apologized.  I didn't make excuses, I just said I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for everything I said, and I didn't mean a word of it.  You just got the worse end of my bad day. Please forgive me for being rude and disrespectful.  Can I have my change please?

I got my change, and left.  And no - they didn't repo my car.  Thanks to my mom, she was always there to help me out.  I did pay her back, but I never let my insurance lapse again, and I never missed a car payment either.  I just picked up another job, to go with teaching dance and waiting tables.  3 jobs and a new baby, times were tough.  I ended up keeping that 3rd job for several months, until  I found a roommate to help with the bills.

So now you know the most embarrassing part of my sob story! Now I know that if I am angry, or really stressed, the best thing I can do is keep my BIG MOUTH SHUT!

Do you have a true story?  Link up here and tell us all about it!

I guess I should follow up on this by saying that this experience is one that we laugh at, because I opened my mouth and made a complete and total A$$ of myself!  Then I had to go in and eat my words, and face the person I had been mean to.  I was embarrassed to say the least.

The sob story - well we all have one, and I am glad I can look back on the experience of my younger self  and learn something.  Those days taught me how to better manage my money, how to treat everyone with respect, even if they don't deserve it, and how NOT to raise my son. I am raising a little man that will never treat people the way is "donor" does.  We don't see the x- I am re married and I have a wonderful life.  Those life experiences has made me the most awesome person I am today!  :)

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Here's to You Mom!

Here's to you Mom!

Here's to all of those dance lessons that you signed me up for, all the competitions, all the recitals and all big frizzy hairstyles that you created!  All the encouraging words and the push that you gave me to be better that I thought I could be! Good job!  I loved every minute of it!

Here's to all those pep talks that came after getting picked on by all those boys at school, all those tears that you dried when the girls were mean and all the times you said to just wait I would blossom and all those same boys would want to date me then!  You were right, and I enjoyed turning them down!

Here's to all those times when you believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself.

Here's to you counting too fast in the delivery room and the Dr. telling you to slow down I wasn't holding my push long enough.

Here's to helping me when I needed to move, and having it done in 2 hours!

Here's to the way you always know when to call, like the time I just lost my temper at the store and you called as I was walking out.  Calmed me down and gave me the courage to go back and get my change.  (I will post on this incident Monday - don't forget to come back for it)

Here's to making up 2 beds in the middle of the night so that we could escape the bats!

Here's to you Mom - One of the 3 best mom's in the world - Grandma, You and Me!  (We had to learn our awesomeness from somewhere!)

I love you Moma!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Thank you Very much!

To the coach that hurt my little man's feelings, I guess you didn't realize that his mother was sitting right there as you crushed his self esteem and almost made him cry.  I guess you were a little surprised when I waited a day and called you to let you know that it better not EVER happen again.  Thank you very much!

To the ghost that I think visited our house last night:  Please if you feel like visiting again I know that I can not keep you out, but when the hubby and I are busy don't speak and spoil the moment.  If you must come by, please stay out of the bedroom! ....Thank You Very Much!

To the dog that will not quit running away, you better thank God that my little man loves you so much or you would be at the pound right now.  You better shape up or we will just get him another dog! Thank you very much!

To the makers of "Pet Safe" wireless fence:  we have had your fence for 3 years now without problem. last week I ordered a new collar for my rat terrier and my rottie.  Please let me know how the rat terrier can reach around and unhook that collar by herself.  Those things cost $150 each, if my dog get run over I'm gonna expect a refund! Thank you very much.

To all of you that now thing I'm one of "those" mothers: The coach decided to drop 2 kids in the batting line up after they were on the field, one was in the batters box, the other in the on deck circle.  He called time, benched them both and continued the game.  The look on the faces of both those children was heartbreaking - one of those little faces belonged to me!  That coach is luck that he didn't see my anger right then! I'm okay with benching them, but not taking them out of the batters box to do it!  Thank you very much!

To all of you who are reading this blog: please stop by Mama's Pixie Dreams and say a prayer for her and Monkey.  Monkey has cancer, and they need lots of support & prayers from the blogging family!  Thank you very much!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Best Christmas Ever (NOT)- True Story Tuesday!

A couple of years ago I wanted a new camera. I had asked for a new camera several times, and found the one that I wanted. I pointed it out to Wes at Best Buy, told him how it would take 3 to 4 frames per second. Great for action shots in baseball, soccer, football or which ever "C" might be playing at the moment. I didn't just drop hints, I know men don't read minds. I wanted this CAMERA !

Well when he came home with 2 boxes wrapped making sure to tell me not to shake the boxes I just knew I was getting my camera. The big box had to be the camera body the small box must be the lens or flash. Does the lens come with the camera , I think so , it must be a flash. He said don't shake them so they must be breakable right? I was so excited. We never buy each other gifts, so this must be the thing I've been begging for.

On Christmas morning Wes made it a point to tell me to open the big box first. I was so excited I was going to shoot a family picture right in front of our Christmas tree - that was going to be my first picture with my new camera. Do you know what I found in my box? A gun. A S & W 9mm compact with an extra clip.

I can't tell you how hard it was to smile and pretend that I liked that gift. At that point I wanted to shoot something, and it wasn't a picture! The small box, was bullets. Somehow he thought that I asked for it because, at this time I was in insurance sales. I would spend hours doing cold calls, hopefully making a few appointments and run appointments the next day or so. During this time I had appointments in a few areas that were less than safe. So I decided to buy a gun, (considering the people on the corners had them, and I was going into strangers houses alone sometimes at night). So I bought this S&W .38 feather weight revolver

. It's a great concealed carry weapon, you can hide it almost anywhere. We were out shooting one day, and I commented that the gun bruised my hand and it was very sore for several days after shooting, maybe I needed a heaver gun that wouldn't be so rough on my hands. So for Christmas I got a gun, instead of a camera. I was in charge of buying my birthday and anniversary gifts (since they are within the same week), I bought the camera for me from him to cover both gifts. I should have bought him something like a new stove :o).

If you want to link up come back here to do so!