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Saturday, October 15, 2011

What others see/don't see:

People that hear about domestic violence don't understand unless they have lived it.  The worst part for me then and even now is the women that boldly stand and say "I wouldn't put up with that, I would have just left"  "That won't ever happen to me"

Its easy to say that when you are not living there, in that moment.  You don't understand why people stay and you don't understand where that person is.  You don't know what you will do when you are in that situation.  It's not easy as "Leaving" or at least that is how you feel when you are there. 

I for one was humiliated. I wanted to hide what was happening.  I didn't want people to know what he was doing to me and had done to me.  I'm no weakling..I stand up for myself.  The scariest part was that I cared about him.  He kept me there by threatening to kill himself.  He actually poured a handful of pills in his mouth and chased them with a glass of water.  I don't know how he faked it, but I later found those pills in a the pocket of the coat he had on that night.  It was much later. 

That fear of him killing himself is part of what kept me there, with him.  It's not that I loved him anymore...but I didn't want to have to live with him killing himself.  I didn't want him dead. 

The other thing was money.  I didn't have any.  He kept us broke as convicts.  I am a proud woman, I don't like failing and I don't like asking for money.  I had no money and no way to get any because I had to pay the mortgage..it was in my name...and the second mortgage..it was in my name to.  Actually the house was in my name, it was my house.  I couldn't get him to leave, and you try humiliating yourself enough to call the police..then everyone in town and all the neighbors knows what is going on.  Here is a shocker for you..they can only make him leave for the night. Yep.  Then tomorrow you got to deal with him beating your ass!!!  So is that really worth it?

If you know someone in that situation don't make the humilation worse.  Stand by them, encourage them, show them the way out.  Dont be judgemental.  You don't know. You don't know what you would do. You don't know how it feels.  Humilation keeps them their longer...

If you are in a violent relationship don't stay.  Leave.  There are places to go, people that will help.  Please call  now  1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

1 comment:

Jessica said...

I think this post is key to so many others, who haven't been in a domestic violence relationship, getting it, or why it's so important for victims to have unconditional support of their loved ones. I think many people are unable to truly sympathize with domestic violence victims because they don't get how someone could stay if they are being hurt. They assume that it's that simple. I know it's not. Thank for sharing this post. I'm going to tweet this out like I did your first one.