Stress Relief....

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...and I thank him for the knowledge that he gave the Dr...to give me the Valium that helps...

I have not been posting lately.  the posts that you have been reading (except the pampered chef post) was written some time ago and scheduled to post.  I have been trying to read every ones posts, but even that has been just so hard to do lately.

I'm probably going to close this blog out, I don't think anyone really reads it anyway.  My stress levels are so high, I feel like I'm loosing my mind!

For starters, it was really difficult to move.  Physically difficult, but more emotionally difficult.  I have raised my son in that house.  He was 14 weeks old when we moved in here.  A 23 year old single mother and her infant son.  A terrified woman, trying to make a new start. It was there that my baby had his first steps, words and every other first that he has ever had.  That is the place where he would disappear into the woods for hours on end and just play.  We have woods here too, but it's different.  all of our memories are at that house.  I love it here, but  miss it there.

Just two weeks after the move, I quit my job.  I started school full time, thinking that I would have a weekend job as a CNA soon, to work while I was in school.  But circumstances happen and I have not taken my test yet, I'm still waiting on a test date.  Now here it is almost November and I have not gone back to work yet! Money is fine...but Chrstmas is coming and there is not much extra.


The first week of not working I found my self in 2 different emergency situations.  High Blood Pressure that almost lead to a stroke, and "attack by horse" that did lead to a broken wrist.
School is good, but it is hard and a lot of work, making money streatch from the first of the month to the end is hard, very hard and I stress over every red penny that comes out of the account.  From a candy bar to grocery shopping I freak out everytime we swipe that card, or pull out that dollar bill.  Now Cameron is cutting things off his Christmas list that cost over $10.00.  What kind of mother am I that I stress my kid out about spending 10 bucks?
As if that wasn't enough, my car broke down and I'm without wheels...technically my mom has "given" me some wheels for now so I'm not without...but still you know what I mean.  I have to look at the long run, how long can I drive her car, it's old too...what if it breaks down....

And now...my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer 2 weeks ago.  Everything looks good, they are going to remove it and do the chemo, and all will be well...but it's stressful.
The colon cancer is when I stopped being able to breathe normal and I stopped sleeping.  I started praying about the tightness in my chest, and the lack of breathing and sleeping but it wasn't helping. I would realize that tears were flowing but I didn't realize that I was crying.  I was tired, stressed, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep I was crying and not realizing it, I am stressed out....

I finally went back to the Dr. on Friday and he gave me some Valium and an antidepressant.  I have not started the antidepressant yet, but I did take half a Valium for the last 2 nights, and I have slept.  Sound sleep.  The tightness has eased up, and the worrying has eased up and sleep has come. 

I feel much better, but I'm still worried about my mom.  She is my best friend.  I'm terrified.  It doesnt' matter that they said it was only one spot.  It doesnt' matter that they said this is the best case scenario.  It doesn't matter that they keep saying it's going be okay.  I just need to hear "we got it all"...

Please keep our family in your prayers.