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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

How you could say that about a child?

Before you read my post you should read this article.   Go ahead I will wait.

Woman Waiting by Pamela Galloway

are you done?  Yes?

Did that leave you kind of speechless?  Did that make you think whoa?  If you read the comments that people leave, you can see that this story leaves each reader with strong emotions.  Either disgust with the mother/pity for the child or sorrow for both/happy for both.

Upon reading the title the only thought in my mind was :  How you could say a thing like that?  What is wrong with you??  Then continuing to read it was easy to see that she was frustrated.  Lets face it, parents put such high hopes in their children. 

Personally I get frustrated because I know that Cameron is smart, I know he is good at sports....but he is so self conscience sometimes.  He wants to do well...he just doesn't want anyone to watch it. He doesn't like the "all eyes on me" moments.  When watching him struggle with something that I know that he can do, and have watched him do well 100 times...frustration sets in.  Then he will out shine everyone in others areas, it's like a gentle reminder of how great he really is.  Like the time he saved the life of one of his classmates, or when I asked why his was eating 3 meals a day at lunch (I expected 2) and he said that his friend was always hungry and never had extra money so he would buy his buddy and extra lunch too, or when he came back from a field trip telling me about the cool necklace he wanted to buy...but instead bough his friend that had no money something.  Every time I compare Cameron's talents to another child's and I feel let down  he does something extraordinary to remind me that he shines in his own way...in better ways...where it counts.  He has a heart of pure gold!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This lady, she knew something wasn't right..something was off.  There were no other moments where her daughter would excel.  No heart touching moments where her goodness shined through.  There was only the feeling that something wasn't right.  I think the mother was searching for answers, then when none came she  blamed herself for her daughters problems.... when we blame ourselves we try to turn it to someone else, justify our anger, our hurt and sometimes that gets placed on the wrong shoulders.

It is hard to believe that she didn't like her child.  If she didn't like her she would have left her, if she really didn't like her she wouldn't have taken her to the Dr. to find out what was wrong.  If she didn't like her she wouldn't have tried so hard to find something in common with her.  She was acting out on her frustrations.  She was trying so hard to make that child into a "normal" child, wanting her to be more, wanting her to be accepted.  Wanting at least a reason for what was happening.   I think that she loved her daughter, I don't think she liked herself in her daughters presence.  I think she didn't like herself for how she was looking at her daughter.

I left that article with mixed emotions.  Parenting is hard.  There is no handbook.  You just love your child, encourage (sometimes with a hard push) them to do everything and work hard to be the best.  You want you children to have ambition, goals, and the courage to go after those goals.  You want everyone to love your children, accept them and you want them to succeed in everything that they do.  And when they don't...it's hard to deal with.  It's hard when there is no reason, then you are left feeling like a failure...a failure at parenting.  The consequences of that are the most difficult because it is your child who suffers for your failure.  Maybe she was feeling the guilt of failing her daughter.  In the end everything worked out, there was a reason and a fix for the problem that her child was having.  Now she is only left with the guilt of not just accepting her for what she was. 

I wonder though, if she had not continued to ask questions would they have found her daughters problem or just marked her up as a special needs child?


Ashley said...

That article has left me with such a mix of emotions...thank you for sharing, it definitely brings some light to moments in our house when expectations are set too high.

Beth Zimmerman said...

I didn't read the whole article but what I did read left me very sad. I think a lot of us have moments when we just don't like our child very much ... and yet we continue to LOVE the child. I hope that the fact that she has stood (thus far) by her commitment to parent this child means that she does in fact love her. If she doesn't ... the better part of the child's problems may well be in reaction to the mom.

Rachel said...

The article just made me sad. So thankful that in spite of my disability, my mother pushed through and loved me for who I was.

(By the way - congrats to your kiddo on the great baseball games!)

Heather said...

I felt sorry for the mom. She was brutally honest about her feelings, but obviously there was love for her daughter...she tried to do things to be closer to her.
No one knows how it feels to live with a particular child until they have lived with THAT child.

Thanks for sharing.

Jessica said...

I only read some of the article, but what I did read left me feeling a bit sad. At the same time, I appreciated the fact that she was at least honest in talking about her true feelings. Even though she may not like her daughter, I do think, and as the other commentators have said, that she loves her child and I think that's most important. It's tough. My mom once told me that in our children we often dislike the things in them that we see dislike in ourselves. I didn't get it at the time, but now, I think I do.